Connected Thru MARRIAGE

This is message EIGHT in the series
"Connected thru Colossians."

the two goals of this series are to
1. change how we live as believers
2. expand what we know for sure

Read Colossians  3.18-21 by clicking on this link

 What are the responsibilities of a Husband and a Wife to each other? 

(Let me start this section with a note and a request from those reading it that they wait until the end to make a complete judgment. This I especially ask of any women who are reading. I will be using a Biblical word that some find offensive, but I guarantee that I will clarify its meaning.)

Right now there seems to be a lot of debate about marriage right now. What is and is not a marriage. A federal judge has ruled that it is unconstitutional for a law to say a marriage is only between a man and a woman. I do not want to get sidetracked on the legalities but I want to look at what the scriptures say about this matter. In the Bible every marriage has two key factors in common. The husband is a man and the wife is a women. Every case of every marriage in the Bible is the same and there are no exceptions.

Now to the heart of the matter. Wives are suppose to SUBMIT to their husbands and husbands are suppose to LOVE their wives.  (Remember I ask you to wait until the end to make any final decisions.) Now the question is why are wives told to SUBMIT and husbands told to LOVE? Well the simple answer is that it is their Biblical responsibilities. It is how God has planned to make a marriage strong and to help a husband and wife in their relationship. If a husband loves his wife it will help her to be submissive (we will cover this shortly), and if a wife is submissive it will help her husband love her.

Ephesians 5.22-28 helps us understand who is in charge in a marriage. (Patience with me now.) This is where we learn what it means to be a husband and a wife.

A wife is suppose to fulfill her responsibilities to her husband by submitting to him. I will cover what these responsibilities shortly and what it really means to submit. If a wife is doing her part in the marriage it allows her husband to do his part. A husband is suppose to fulfill his responsibilities to his wife. If he does this for his wife it makes it possible for her to do her part in the marriage. It is a paradoxical relationship that God has set up. A husband takes care of his wife's need to be loved, and a wife takes care of her husbands need to have a submissive wife (be patient it is not what you think). A wife is not to nag her husband or remind him of his responsibility nor is a husband suppose to ever tell his wife she is suppose to submit. The direction to love is written to the husband and it is his responsibility to love his wife. The direction to submit is written to the wife and it is her responsibility to submit to her husband. The husband is not the boss of his wife, and the wife is not the servant or slave of the husband!

The husband represents Christ in the relationship and the wife represents his bride the church. The Bible says Christ gave himself for the church. That he came not as her master but as the one who wanted to serve her. The church is also there as the one who loves Christ and does all she can to serve him. The husband is not to rule over his wife but he is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. The wife is called to submit to her husband as the church does to Christ. This is about serving and loving. This is what she wants to do not what her husband forces her to do, but how can they do this?

In 1st Corinthians 13.4-8a Paul sets the 15 points that we need to understand when it comes to Loving and Submitting. The husband is told in scripture to love his wife as Christ loved the church.  Love is clearly defined by 15 points:

1. A Loving husband is patient, 
2. A loving husband is kind. 
3. He does not envy, 
4. He does not boast, 
5. He is not proud. 
6. He is not rude, 
7. He is not self-seeking, 
8. He is not easily angered, 
9. He keeps no record of wrongs.
10. A Loving husband does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
11. He always protects, 
12. He always trusts, 
13. He always hopes, 
14. He always perseveres.
15. A Loving husband's goal is to never fail his wife

 Any husband who focuses in on using these 15 points of contact in his marriage will have the greatest possibility of success you can imagine. Now here is the key that every husband needs, and it is the same one every wife needs. When you understand submission as what the church does for Christ then you can understand that submission is what a wife does because she is loved by her husband, but how does she submit. It means exactly the same thing to submit as it does to love. All the wife has to do is replace the word love with the word submit and she knows what she needs to do for her husband.

1. A submissive wife is patient, 
2. A submissive wife is kind. 
3. She does not envy, 
4. She does not boast, 
5. She is not proud. 
   
6. She is not rude, 
7. She is not self-seeking, 
8. She is not easily angered, 
9. She keeps no record of wrongs.
   
10. A Submissive wife does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
    
11. She always protects, 
12. She always trusts, 
13. She always hopes, 
14. She always perseveres.
15. A submissive wife's goal is to never fail her husband

The husband should place this list beside a picture of his wife where he sees it every day and is reminded of his responsibility to love her. The wife should put this list on the refrigerator of the house where her husband can see it ten times a day, and where she can see it and be reminded of what it means to be a submissive wife. A husband connects to his wife through 15 points of love. A wife connects to her husband through 15 points of submission.


So what is a marriage:

1. It is a man and a woman joined together as one in the sight of God for life.
2. It is a man and a women living by Biblical standards.
3. It is a man and a woman CONNECTED through 15 key Biblical points of love and submission.
   

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